I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
