You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
