I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
