Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
