Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
