Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
