just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
