How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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