Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Randomize
