I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Damn victory sex feels great
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