Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
