My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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