put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize