Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
