wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
