Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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