Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize