I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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