I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
