Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
