I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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