I bet he comes in French.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
