PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
