Kiss
Puke
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
