I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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