Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
