I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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