i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
