Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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