And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
