she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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