No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
