What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
