I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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