i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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