He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize