and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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