So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
