oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
