dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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