I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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