I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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