Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
