either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You smell like stripper and shame
he told me I talked like a deaf person
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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