Will you blow on my dice?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
