I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
