I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
