Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
