So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
