Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
