I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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