all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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