I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
