oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
home. puking in laundry basket.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
