I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
