im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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