So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
