I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
