Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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