I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
