i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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