So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
