I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
