I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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