I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
