ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
