At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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