I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
