how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
