we should wear snuggies to the strip club
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
