Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
